Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Taking a Closer Look at Yourself

I have been working with people for a long time as a therapist of one sort or another and have seen many people, over 35 years of my life. I find that some people are so different in how they think and view and interact in the world that it is as if they were from a different planet, no less country. I have had a tendency to expect others to be more like me and even judge them from my standards of interacting and ways of being in the world. Sometimes this does them a great disservice, for they actually are much more aware and in tune than I ever suspected. They just exhibit and interact in a way that is sometimes strange and unusual to me.

Even those people that seem very similar to us and whom we perceive as thinking mostly the same way as we do can have some surprisingly different ways of interacting when they are under stress that may be less functional in an adult relationship. Often stress results in a narrowing and activation of old patterns of behavior that were learned as a child or young person and not necessarily helpful to a mature adult friendship or loving relationship. Often these people can reflect back to us ways that we were interacted with as a child or young person. They can now give us the opportunity to transform and grow beyond old limiting ways of interacting and behavior patterns!

I suggest when this happens, it is a good time to take a closer look at yourself, to step back and not just react from your habits and pain. Things may not be as you think they are. Often when we feel hurt it is that child part of us that feels hurt, rejected, unloved and not cared for. When we nurture and care for our inner child first or when it is hurting our interactions with others take on a completely different shape and form. We all invite people and friends and lovers into our worlds so we can grow and change, so we can transform and heal some of our own wounds from our past. These people really do us a great service by helping us to see where we are off and not functioning as highly as we think and wish to in the world.

It is easy to blame them (the other person), to say they are the problem or the cause of our pain, discomfort and negative feelings. We may choose not to stay friends with such people, but if we do not understand ourselves and heal our own wounds then we will call others into our lives that will offer us what appears to be the same thing and the cycle starts over once again until we clear ourselves of behaviors that do not really serve us.

We are vibrational beings and are continually offering vibrations into the world. Our thoughts generate vibrations, our feelings radiate vibration. Our vibrations and feelings attract similar vibrations and feelings to us, like a magnet attracts metal to itself. Helped by the reflection that those we attract into our lives give us, we can see what sorts of vibrations we are radiating out into the world. If we do not like what is manifesting in our lives then we must set about the task of changing our thoughts and feelings. We are the ones who can bring about the changes we desire by shifting and changing ourselves. Trying to shift and change others is an almost hopeless task that brings little satisfaction to anyone.

So, if you do not like what is manifesting in your life it is time to turn inward and become more conscious of the vibrations you are radiating out into the world. You can change your vibrations with conscious thoughts, focus and actions supportive of what you really want to have in your life. You can seek assistance from those who you resonate with to help you move into new ways of interacting and being in the world. You can have help in transforming old patterns and behaviors into new more functional ones. This can all be done with grace and ease and may not be as difficult as at first it might appear.

Your journey forward starts with one step and before that step there is a vibration you sent ahead before the physical action. I intend to be as clear as I can with my vibration, my own self transformation first, so my steps lead to where I really want to go and find that I arrive with those who I really want to be with.

Wishing you great clarity, joy, enthusiasm, creativity and love,